Rika
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Posts: 131
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Post by Rika on Sept 7, 2017 12:38:47 GMT -5
Nope, not referring to anything metaphysical or existential, I literally mean my dreams have an extended universe. Think Marvel movies, because that's the best example. Every single dream I've ever had is occult themed. I am always the same person, myself, and there's always something about vampires. The interesting part to me though is the recurring places and plots. They seem to jump around to different "time periods" but within the same timeline and universe. Sometimes I'll pick up where I left off in a dream from months before. I have no problems remembering them, but I can't affect them, they're like movies. I am almost always being chased or hunted for some reason or another. Anyway, I wont go into specific details unless anyone is interested but I'm very obsessed with my dreams because they are also always relevant to the situation in my current timeline and consciousness. This "Marvel Universe" of dreams goes all the way back to my first dream, which I remember clearly. The only exception is premonition dreams. Ive been lucky enough to experience a few of my life altering moments before they happened. Unfortunately it's never been helpful besides being a nice confirmation for myself. Anyway, just wanted to hear what you guys thought or if anyone deals with something similar.
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Post by daniel51 on Sept 7, 2017 21:46:30 GMT -5
You're a wizard Harry
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Rika
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Posts: 131
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Post by Rika on Sept 8, 2017 6:22:46 GMT -5
Not a wizard unless you're referring to my math skills, yo!
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Rika
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Posts: 131
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Post by Rika on Dec 13, 2017 14:25:21 GMT -5
A lot of blood dreams recently. It's obvious why, I haven't had human blood in a couple years. It affects EVERYTHING. I even have friends in my dreams begging me to drink some before I die. Well, the same friend every time. I guess I should ask her to help me out, but it seems morally off not to inform my fiance, which is why it's been so long. I feel shame, somehow, that I haven't found a solution. Of course I get some from animal sources, but that's like chewing gum when you're hungry. I feel like a shell of what I can be and have been. It's the theme of every single dream I have and I'm not sure what's holding me back. I feel trapped. Physically and emotionally I'm falling apart. Docs say I'm in awesome health but I feel weaker, slower, angrier, dumber, and honestly just sadder in general over the course of the past year or so. I've struggled with depression before, much more intensly than now, but this just seeps so much deeper than I've ever experienced. I'm not against the possibility that all of this is mental health related but my gut says no. Horrible things happen when I ignore my gut. I just feel alone in vampirism, I have a hard time talking about it because of past experiences and that could be part of it too. No blood, no allies, and no energy because I have to work a day job. 12 hours a day, sunup to sundown. It's fucked, but I work in childcare so that was a sacrifice I knew I would have to face someday. Boy do I miss working night shifts. Hell, I even miss my little pagan buddies from the early days. Yeah, it was a phase most of them went through and was more akin to a LARP group, but damn it was neat to talk about this stuff and have someone respond earnestly. Not looking for solutions, just yelling into the nothing, but thanks for reading my rant.
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wolf
Junior Member
Don't look to deeply into the darkness, you may not want what awaits you there.
Posts: 58
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Post by wolf on Dec 13, 2017 18:38:27 GMT -5
@rika I feel for you. Not being able to feed is miserable and, worse over the holidays when we are all expected to be our best, bright, cheerful, etc... and more people put more demands on us.
Like you, animal blood barely cuts it for me, yeah it keeps me from doing something stupid but, barely.
As for morals, well, sometimes those need to give way to Thirst. I've had to put aside my morals for a DRINK. I hate doing it, but, at some point my own well being has to be a priority. We can't be our best for anyone else if we aren't feeling well and, not feeding drags us down, a lot. Sometimes what others close to us don't know, won't hurt them or us so much as if they knew.
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Rika
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Posts: 131
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Post by Rika on Dec 14, 2017 9:07:19 GMT -5
I have told him I have a "blood fetish" which I feel is easier to understand but he's never entertained it. If I do bring it up, he just counters with anal. Ugh. I hate this time of year. It's just full of horrid memories, I cant afford a xmas AGAIN, my fiance is unemployed again, I'm already working my maximum hours without dying and just got a raise and it barely helps, and just so many other things but mostly... I think my relationship is about to end and I feel like I'm already in mourning over it... everything is really difficult right now and, though I've dealt with more extreme circumstances and such, I'm just not handling it well. My heart hurts.
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wolf
Junior Member
Don't look to deeply into the darkness, you may not want what awaits you there.
Posts: 58
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Post by wolf on Dec 14, 2017 9:56:05 GMT -5
Letting go is never easy but, if he's that closed minded to even a blood fetish, I feel certain you would face the usual loony, delusional, need help tirade if you told him you are a vampire. As hard as it is, if he wants to go, it might be best to let him go.
Whatever happens there, go feed, you have a friend that will allow it so, feed, you need it to deal with all of the other crap without letting it all break you.
Precognition can be hell, I've been there 3 times, once I knew he was going to be killed, and twice I knew he was going to leave me before it happened. Still it's one of our gifts and, I wouldn't give being what I am up for anything. Too much history there to not be what I am and, make sure I thrive as well as my ancestors did and, teach the next generation to thrive as well.
Do for you, get yourself to your best and, let the rest of the chips fall where they may. You know you can do it and, make it through to a better place and a better time.
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Rika
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Posts: 131
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Post by Rika on Dec 14, 2017 13:00:54 GMT -5
He's not the one who wants to go, I am.
I'm sorry to hear someone you loved died AND you had such an unfortunate precognition. Did you attempt to affect it? I don't mean to delve into a sore subject, but I hope you've been able to move on in life, I'm truly sorry for such a loss.
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wolf
Junior Member
Don't look to deeply into the darkness, you may not want what awaits you there.
Posts: 58
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Post by wolf on Dec 14, 2017 14:25:09 GMT -5
If you want to go, go. I know financial considerations but, if it's what you need, then work toward it.
No I didn't, sometimes you simply know that mucking with what is about to become history is a bad idea. That was the case, I knew it had to happen and, I had to let it happen. What was I to do, keep him home and have my house destroyed, a home invader that might have killed me as well? Better he die on the street, as I "saw" he would that day. Only thing I was off on, it was a day cab truck that ran him down and, I had "seen" a sleeper cab truck.
As painful as that was, I'm glad I knew before it happened, by the time I had to go to the hospital and, make sure his do not resuscitate order, via his living will, was obeyed, I had time to collect myself and, handle it as a professional rather than a crying, blubbering mess I felt I was inside.
That was 1991, I've long since moved on, dwelling in the past is pointless. Why should I be miserable for long, that's not what he would have wanted. I'm here, I'm alive and, I can love again, live, enjoy life and, that's what I did. i mourned, I cried, then I picked myself up and got back to living. I'm married again now and, I know, I have another five or six years before I face his death. Again I won't try to change it. He is a decade my senior and, has hypertension, arthritis, lympedema and, borderline diabetes. He doesn't want me to see it but, he's tired, ready to go and, we've worked to insure my well being when the time comes.
Ah the bane of our extended youth. I'm still young, not in calendar years but, what does that matter anyway? I've got at least half a century or more to live and, I will live and love every minute of it. No doubt, when he goes, i will again mourn and, move on, find another love. That's what I do. I enjoy sharing my life with another and, I'm not going to die a lonely, bitter old hag. I'd rather endure a few lost loves than to become the hag I refuse to be.
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Post by Steve on Dec 14, 2017 23:43:28 GMT -5
Rika, I would turn them in to a book or a website, register a copyright on it and go from there.
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